Medical Humor

MEDICAL HUMOR

“Studying in medical school is like having sex while you are drunk. You never actually finish, you just keep going until it’s not worth it anymore.”

“Medical school is like trying to eat five pancakes every morning for breakfast. Every day you show up with your first-year optimism and your annoying hunger for learning and you clean that plate. But you begin to notice that those pancakes are slowing you down a little each day and the sugar highs and lows are screwing with your sleep. Smart person that you are, you decide to pass on the flapjacks one day. You think to yourself, “Self, I’m going to eat ten pancakes tomorrow so that I don’t have to eat any today.” But … before you know it there are 40 pancakes in front of you and your plate needs to be clean by tomorrow. And that’s when it seems impossible. And it’s your fault.”
–The Rumors Were True

101 Things You Wish You Knew Before Starting Medical School
3. Only half of your class will be in the top 50%. You have a 50% chance of being in the top half of your class. Get used to it now.
13. Most of your time on rotations will be wasted. Thrown away. Down the drain.
17. You’ll ask post-op patients if they’ve farted within the last 24 hours.
37. It’s always the medical student’s fault.
41. As a medical student on rotations, you don’t matter. In fact, you get in the way and impede productivity.
46. If you’re in it for the money, there are much better, more efficient ways to make a living. Medicine is not one of them.
48. If there is anything at all that you’d rather do in life, do not go into medicine.
53. Somebody in your class will be known as the “highlighter whore.” Most often a female, she’ll carry around a backpack full of every highlighter color known to man. She’ll actually use them, too.
54. Rumors surrounding members of your class will spread faster than they did in high school.
59. Gunners always sit in the front row. This rule never fails. However, not everyone who sits in the front row is a gunner.
87. Subjective evaluations are just that – subjective. They aren’t your end all, be all so don’t dwell on a poor evaluation. The person giving it was probably an asshole, anyway.
89. 90% of surgeons are assholes, and 63% of statistics are made up. The former falls in the lucky 37%.
90. The best time of your entire medical school career is between the times when you first get your acceptance letter and when you start school.
-More of the list at MedSchool Hell

Med Student Videos

Study Back

Scrubin’

Pancakes Everyday

The Office: Med School Edition

Pitt Med: Above the Apathy

Hand in a Box

Spoofs

Rifftrax Grey’s Anatomy

MadTV Grey’s Anatomy

MadTV House

MadTV Grey’s Anatomy AND House


Dr. Tran!

Toy store!

More Dr. Tran!

Real Med Students of Genius

Mr. Will This Be On The Exam Asker

More Real Med Students of Genius

Amateur Transplants

Anesthetists Hymn

The Drug Song
Careless Surgeon

Scutmonkey

The Twelve Medical Specialty Stereotypes
Twelve Types of Med Students
Surgery Rotation
OB/GYN Rotation
Psych Rotation
Burn, Baby, Burn!

SCRUBS

Dr. Cox Trashes House

Dr. Cox: Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don’t know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever – just like my patience is now.
Jill Tracy: So you do scary little speeches. How adorable.

J.D.: This, this isn’t like being a janitor, okay! It’s not just like something everybody can do.
Janitor: Oh. So you can do my stuff, but I can’t do yours?
J.D.: Yes!
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
J.D.: I don’t know… the… rough side of a sponge?
[silence]
Janitor: Dammit.

Turk: This is the reason why your headache didn’t go away: That’s actually pronounced analgesic, not anal-gesic. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

HOUSE MD

Dr. Roger Spain (First Applicant): Wow, I thought you’d be the last person to have a problem with nonconformity.
Dr. Gregory House: Nonconformity; right… I can’t remember the last time saw a twenty something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker! You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don’t leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They’re the ones that don’t care what you think.
[pause]
Dr. Gregory House: Sayonara
[Dr. Spain exits office]
Dr. Wilson: So, should I go through all the resumes looking for Asian names?
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, the Asian kids are probably just responding to parental pressure, but my point is still valid.

Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you’re trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you’re not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!

Dr. Gregory House: [trying to get Cuddy to leave the room by admitting malpractice] So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find…

Dr. Cameron: [discussing a patient’s diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.