Quotes from CPR class
(first to set the scene: 8 groups of 3 in a semicircle, working on “manikins”, “Staying Alive” quite literally playing in the background.)
“Do we change positions in 2 man CPR or do we just spin the baby around?” -OK that one was me
“Um, my baby’s trachea popped out.”
“To reinsert, peel his face off and grab it.”
“It seems only men pass out in the video, how are we going to deal with boobs?”
“Whats really convenient is that everyone passes out in or near the hospital.”
“Do you want the one that is damaged or the one that is lubed up?”
“Aw they dressed him up like a person.”
Teacher: “Can you suggest some ways to remember everything you’ve learned today.”
Class: Silence… but everyone thinking, “We just finished boards. I think we can handle remembering 2 breaths and 30 compressions for 2 minutes.”
Teacher: “Well, at a party, you could bring it up and go through it with other guests as an icebreaker.”
Class: Silence again… but thinking, “Ya, and then get punched for bringing up class while we’re trying to get smashed.”
Me taking my test, trying to be quiet b/c others are still talking the written portion-
Teacher: So you’re in a bathroom with no one else is around, and see someone laying there unresponsive, what would you do?
Me: I would ask them if they are ok.
Teacher: Don’t tell me, show me.
Me: But you asked…ok…uh, ma’am are you ok?
Teacher: Right but how would you say it?
Me: Uh, I’d shake her a little and be in her face.
Teacher: But how would you say it?
Me: How? Oh I guess very loudly.
Teacher: YES! You just kinda whispered it.
Me: Ya but we were told to whis…per…anyway, uh, next check breathing.
Teacher: Before that, what would you do?
Me: Nothing if nobody else is around.
Teacher: But you’re in a bathroom.
Me: Where you said no one else is around.
Teacher: Well I would still shout just in case.
Me: Ok, I shout for someone to help then. Then I tilt the head, check for breath and there is nothing, so I give 2 breaths.
Teacher: What if that didn’t work?
Me: Didn’t work? To resuscitate her?
Teacher: No, what if the breaths didn’t work?
Me: Like they didn’t make the chest rise?
Teacher: Yes, what would you do then?
Me: Well, I would check for a forein body.
Teacher: There isn’t one, what else?
Me: There are a bunch of things I could do if I had the equipment I suppose.
Teacher: No no, what’s something YOU could do?
Teacher: They mentioned it like a 100 times.
Me: uhhhh….oh, readjust the head tilt.
Me: (in my head) AAAAAAAH!
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