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She’s gone to the funny pharm

December 11, 2006

* If you have excess growth hormone, you’ll look all big and pregnant (Pegvisomat) but you won’t grow 8 arms (Octreotride). Now pregnant women are pretty easily antagonized (Pegvisomat is a GH rec antagonist) and 8 arms is pretty inhibiting normally (Octreotide is a somastatin analog, the normal inhibitor of growth hormone release)

* There are two problems with excess Prolactin: 1) Galactorrhea- in which case you can take a cab (Cabergoline) home and change your shirt. 2) Infertility and decreased libido- Kills an erection faster than thinking about making out with your brother (Bromocryptine)

* In Harold & Kumar, Neil Patrick Harris was intermediately horny (NPH- intermed duration insulin)

* I want to kill myself (sulfonylurea prototype) while waiting at the tollbooth (Tolbutamide) so I smoke pot (Potassium channel blocker) but then I get the munchies (side fx- hypoglycemia).

* Sit on the toilet (Sitaglipin phosphate) to go pee pee (DPP-4 Inhibitor prototype) or else put the seat down after, you cretin! (inhibits inactivation of incretins which increase insulin synth)

* If you didn’t put the seat down, you were just acting like a cretin. But your ex (Exenatide), he really IS a cretin (Incretin mimetic).

* You need to leave here immediately after the last final to make it to your flight at 4pm (Levothyroxine=T4). I lied, it was at 3p (Liothyronine=T3). Haha, you’re stuck here now! Don’t have a heart attack (T3 has increased cardiotoxicity) and don’t put me in a coma (T3 helpful in people with deiodinase def, myxedema coma or thyroid cancer).

* You need sperm (SERM) if you are clammering to have a baby (Clomiphene -infertility tx), or if you just want to relax, but stretch first, try not to break anything (Raloxifen- osteoporosis tx but w/ side fx- leg cramps & venous thromboembolism.)

And my favorite: Prostate cancer is like a bear. To treat it, antagonize the bear by licking it (Abarelix- GnRH rec antagonist), then block his hostility by playing the flute (Flutamide- androgen rec blocker). That includes making fun of his man boobs and then kicking him in the liver. (Flutamide side fx- gynecomastia, hepatotoxic)

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